


Breaking Down Walls

by Samsara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, BARB Shifters, BRA Trio, BRB Trio, Backstory, Berik Lives, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Other, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-26 12:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samsara/pseuds/Samsara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Contains Spoilers for the Manga: I swear. I'll update before Christmas. I've been busy with college.]</p><p>Did you know that since titans can't digest anything it's possible to survive being eaten by one? If you're a shifter at least.<br/>After being eaten by the Dancing Titan, a young shifter by the name of Berik forced himself to regenerate as much of his body as possible before the titan inevitably vomited him up along with the other bodies inside the titan's stomach. Upon regurgitation, Berik was rescued by members of the Scouting Legion, only to be delivered to the walls in which humanity had hidden behind. Arriving at the walls this soon was the last thing Berik wanted. He needed to find his friends first. For all he knew, Reiner and Bertholdt thought he was dead. He had to play the waiting game from behind the walls. Sooner or later, his friends would arrive, and they could take down humanity as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amuse Bouche

The first thing that most people would recall about being eaten (if they survive) is what it feels like to have jaws clench down on you. That bruising and crushing force that inevitably leads to bones breaking and limbs tearing off and well. All that gorey good stuff. The next part that people would focus on is just how damn wet they are (considering they’re not in shock and still capable of rational thought as well as their skull and spine still being in tact). Then following that, if they’re still alive, it’s probably the smell. Putrid, stinking, rotting smells that can only be found in the stomach of a monster such as this.

  
And that’s just where Berik was. He was still alive inside that titan. Reiner and Bertholdt hadn’t been devoured either and he would hold his ground inside the monsters stomach for a few minutes before realizing that his friends would not be joining him. He’d saved them, and that’s what mattered for right now.

  
What began to push itself to the forefront of his thoughts, now that he knew his friends wouldn’t be lunch, was that he had two legs and an arm and several fingers he needed to try to regenerate. It would be awhile before the titan decided to throw him up (as titans often did) along with the rest of its catch, so he had enough time to focus on regenerating. His right arm from the elbow down was missing, and his thumb, ring and pink finger on his left hand were missing. One leg had been broken off to the pelvis, the other was still dangling from sinews at the knee. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to yank it off and let himself create a new one, Berik yanked the severed piece and tore it free and to the side, removing the shoe and sock still around the foot, just in case he needed them.

  
The titan probably thought he was ordinary. Wouldn’t surprise him. Human-like creatures wandering outside the walls? A rarity, sure. But not unheard of. Now, someone like Berik and his friends outside the walls? Well, they had their safehouses, but they weren’t about to turn back to those. The titan probably had no idea what Berik would be capable of once his limbs grew back. As he saw it, it would be a couple hours. He’d probably be good as new by the time the titan vomited him back up , sure he might be damaged on his way back up, but nothing another quick recovery couldn’t handle.

  
Even though regeneration was no big deal, it was still exhausting. And Berik was left floating in the pool of stomach fluids, surrounded by a few other bodies, all decomposing. Maybe he’d be in here longer than he anticipated, but this titan was relatively small, and it would probably be full soon enough.

  
What he assumed was an hour or so had passed and the fingers on his hand had returned and stumps were growing out from their blood sections now. He could at least properly touch himself without the feeling being akin to groping. He’d give it another three hours before his arm was finished, and another two after that for one leg. And three more after that for the other one. He contemplated sleeping to let the process finish, but chances are if he fell asleep in here, he wouldn’t be waking up again.

  
He opened his eyes and his arm was back, hanging lazily at his side in the pool of stomach fluids as if it had always been there. He did sleep. Longer than he’d anticipated. And here he was, still alive. One leg had regenerated down towards the foot, the other was down to his knee. With arms grown, he contemplated starting to climb out of here and trick the creature into vomiting now. But with his legs still crippled…He had at least five more hours, as far as he guessed.

  
By the time his first leg had completed its healing process, the fluids in the titans stomach had begun to rise. Maybe it was getting ready to spit up. Maybe Berik would get to smell fresh air instead of the odor of decomposition soon. He’d found that he’d started swimming in the fluids around him. If his leg were better, it would be much easier. Nothing was more disgusting than sputtering and getting a slight mouthful of this nastiness around him.

  
He could still feel a few toes coming back by the time the stomach had filled itself to the top, ready to erupt like a nasty volcano of organs and viscera. But he’d deal with that once he was back on terra firma. The creature pulsed and shuddered around him, the stomach contracting and squeezing around him as everything grew stickier, clumping him together with other bodies and matter about him. He held his breath as it clung to his flesh and what remained of his clothing.

  
And in a moment he was greeting prickly crabgrass touching his face as it poked through the gelatinous mound encasing him. He squirmed and wriggled and tried to free himself, turning to see the titan that had consumed him staring at him. It was going to try and eat him again wasn’t it?

  
Well, not to worry. He was prepared this time.

  
He placed his thumb’s knuckle to his mouth and opened his jaw, clamping down hard on his flesh, blood sputtering from beneath it. He would shift too. He would change his shape. He would eat the very titan who ate him and he’d get revenge.

  
He’d win this little dispute and then go off to find his friends.

  
But as he bit. Nothing changed. Berik stood in the crabgrass, realizing the fear of being prey for the second time. A second bite, and he channeled forth his will to be safe. But it wouldn’t come.  
And so he waited to fall back into that stomach again. Berik fell to his knees, shocked and devastated. He had friends to go back to. He had something to do. And he was really going to die. He couldn’t exactly protect himself the same way he protected them, now could he?

  
He resigned himself to being this titans meal again. His head fell low. His eyes closed shut.

  
And the wooshing sound of a cable and the voices of men saved his life. As he looked back up, the titan was on the run, and men – humans as he suspected it – were running past on foot, on horse and with strange boxes at their sides. Berik looked at their backs, blue and white wings were placed as insignias on their back as a man stood in front of him.

  
“What’s a kid doing out here?” he asked, leaning down to look at Berik’s grotesque state. He inhaled deeply, suggesting that he was sniffing him. He grimaced momentarily before pulling Berik to his feet, keeping him behind him.

  
“It…ate me.” Berik said pointing to the titan in the distance that was now being chased, but was surely not being caught.

  
“And you survived?” the man asked, beckoning another soldier forward, this one on horseback. “Well, that’s something.” Ignoring Berik’s slimy condition, he lifted the youth up and slid him on to the back of the horse, seating him in front of another soldier. “Bring him to the Wall, find out from him what you can.”

  
Berik didn’t understand. Didn’t humans know how to identify his kind? He was so sure they had characteristics that made them stand out. But all these humans were just the same as him. They looked the same. Sounded the same. But they didn’t shift.

  
Then again, Berik couldn’t shift back there either.

 

The man who rescued him was named Mike, a soldier in the Scouting Legion. He was still young, and when he found Berik he was on an experimental mission. But he recognized someone in need, so despite not having achieved high ranks (which Berik would discover he’d obtain in the future), he made a good call in rescuing the child who simply appeared out of nowhere beyond the walls.

  
He was questioned by the soldier on horseback for a while, but Berik had never really thought of a way to explain where he’d come from. He didn’t know what life was like behind the walls for humans, he just knew it was similar to his home, but they were confined and unable to travel beyond the barricades. Berik instead spend most of the ride asking questions instead. Had they found two other boys about his age. How far away were they from civilization. Were they going to kill that titan. What were they going to do to him. The answers were simple. No, Not Far, They Would Try and Find Your Family.

  
But Berik had to insist to them that there was no family for them to find if they couldn’t locate the other lost boys. He argued he’d be better left in the wilderness to look for them than to be taken away. The soldier tried to reason with him, stating that the chances of three small boys surviving that titan were unlikely. The walls were much safer.

  
The life they had expected Berik to come from was far from his life beyond the walls. But he’d decided to keep quiet about it. He, Reiner and Bertholdt were aiming to get there, weren’t they? Maybe he’d just be the one getting there first, and he could wait and hide until he found them again. He hoped they were alive, and they would be able to go through with the plan as scheduled. He’d have to join them from inside the walls then, wouldn’t he?

  
But that brought up the question of why he couldn’t shift. He’d never had a problem before. And right when he needed to protect himself most, no matter how hard he bit, he couldn’t change. Maybe he was just tired, or too exhausted from regenerating. And he was in no position to try again. He was surrounded by soldiers trying to keep him safe, and if he were to change right now, he’d put himself in a terrible spot, where he’d certainly get killed. That is if he didn’t kill them first. But, what was the point. They were trying to save him, weren’t they?

  
After several minutes of silent galloping, the soldier stopped his horse at a pond, allowing the animal to drink, he slid from the horse and pulled Berik down from the saddle. “You look like hell,” he said, taking note of Berik’s shredded pants and torn coat. The soldier removed a thick, green cape from over his shoulders, draping it over his arm. “Get rid of what you’re wearing. That coat at least. I don’t know if titans can sniff out the bile of other titans, but best to get rid of some of the stink.” Berik could honestly say this wasn’t the case, but he obliged anyways, peeling off the sticky coat as the soldier offered him the cape. His shirt underneath was still damp and covered in slime but nowhere nearly as coated as his coat was. The cape, as he pulled it on fit him rather comfortably, but it was still large.

  
“How far away are we?” Berik asked quietly as the soldier stroked the mane of the horse as it continued to drink thirstily.

  
“Far enough.” He said. “What’s your name, kid?” he asked, turning to look at Berik as he sat on the grass, trying to remain calm and unperturbed. “And what the hell were you doing this far from the walls?”

  
“Berik.” He said. “And…” Here he was being asked about it. He wanted to remain quiet about where he was from. “I…”

  
“Doesn’t matter,” the soldier gave another stroke of the horse’s mane before he stood over Berik. “You’re safe, and we need to make sure you stay safe. You’re probably shaken up over bein’ out here. Could you tell me what wall you live behind?”

  
With that, he helped lift Berik up on to the back of the horse again, seeing to it that he was secure before he hopped up himself. “I…don’t know.” Berik said quietly. Maybe he could play the trauma victim card, that didn’t seem too outrageous.

  
“Any ideas about your family?” he asked. “Know what they do?” Berik shook his head as the soldier pulled on the horses reins and they took off again.

  
“Reiner…and Bertholdt.” He said. “They’re my family, and they’re still out here.” The soldier didn’t speak again after Berik said that. But he figured he knew what the man was going to say. Something about how two kids his age were probably dead about now. They wouldn’t have survived. But Berik knew better. He knew his friends.

  
They wouldn’t die that easily.


	2. Hors D'Oeuvres

Begin Part 1

Berik found himself being delivered to a home for orphans behind the second wall, which he discovered was called Wall Rose. People were suggesting he had shock-induced amnesia from being eaten, so they opted to send him to an orphanage until his family showed up. If they ever did. If he remained there for two years without being found, he’d be sent into the military without any concern for his mental state. But with the peace that mankind was living through, military service was no big deal. He’d be given living quarters and decent wages if he enlisted, and he’d be earning his keep by being a soldier. He’d probably end up in the Garrison and live a comfortable life behind the second wall.

                But this was all depending on his parents. But Berik knew he had no parents behind the walls, and no family he wished to speak of back in his homeland. The moment he was placed into this home – filled with a number of rowdy human children around his age – he started reading up on the military the humans had created.

                Berik didn’t want to just roll over and accept this. He didn’t want to accept being “rescued” by humans from the titans. It actually made him sick. To think that he had to rely on humans to be saved by his own kind. Well, to some extent. He wasn’t a thing like that titan who decided to call him lunch. As far as he knew, that titan was long dead – and he was alive. But…All things considered, he was still on par with Bertholdt and Reiner. They were going to arrive at the walls. And then well…He didn’t need to remind himself again. He was just here ahead of schedule. If he wanted to, he could initiate things right now, but well, Reiner and Bertholdt hadn’t shown up in the way they were supposed to yet.

                The day Berik was rescued he discovered something most unfortunate. He’d been removing his shoes after he’d been delivered to the barracks of the Scouting Legion after his safe arrival. As the socks came out, Berik had discovered that two of his toes hadn’t grown back. His middle and pinky toes had vanished and though he tried to force the bones to regenerate, his body simply didn’t have the will to grow them back again. Berik stared at his imperfect foot, somewhat heartbroken that he wouldn’t grow those toes back. They were such a small fix that wouldn’t have taken more than a few moments. But somehow, his toes wouldn’t come back. He couldn’t help but be concerned. If his toes weren’t growing back, and he couldn’t shift when he genuinely needed to,  how was he going to help once he got the signal from Reiner and Bertholdt if they arrived?

                Reality struck him as Berik realized they had probably left him for dead. Like true warriors would. No need for baggage on the road they’re on.

                While in that orphanage (which was hardly an orphanage. More like a place where orphans could return to after a day of misbehaving on the streets. No care necessary.) Berik found that humans were nasty. At least the children were. They often saw his missing toes and teased him mercilessly. He spent most of his time getting hurt and hiding from the other children. He spent more of his time trying to discover what upset them. It was when he found out that like most other humans, children feared titans even though civilian humans hadn’t seen titans in a hundred years.

                Berik learned how to cope with the bullying this way. Because he was so large compared to other ten and eleven year old humans (he was pushing a little over five feet now) he found that with kids…he could be honest about himself. He learned to scare them. He would tell them he was a titan and that’s why he didn’t have parents. He’d threaten to eat them or step on them. He’d continue to tell lies, saying that Scouting Legion soldiers took his toes when he was trying to make a meal of them.

                Needless to say it worked.

                Berik was seldom picked on after that. But it wouldn’t matter much by then either. Around the time he had learned to stand up for himself against the human kids, he received a pleasant reminder.

                Humanity would once again be living in fear of the titans.

                From behind Wall Rose, where he had been settled in, he’d heard news on the streets that Wall Maria, the less-comfortable wall on the outer edge, had been breached by what they were calling the “Colossal” titan. So that’s what they’re calling him, Berik had thought. It was fitting, given the size of his friend in both human and titan form. Gossip became more elaborate as the stories quickly added in the presence of the “Armored” one as well. It was becoming hard for Berik to not smile when he heard the news. He would have to improvise in order to join them. His friends were alive and he was going to meet them again if it killed him.

                That is if the Garrison wasn’t hell bent on preventing him access beyond Wall Rose.

                Berik was being driven by one thing. His need to be reunited with his friends. They were alive, but they had no idea if he was either. He’d only been beyond the walls for a few months now, but a few months ago, according to Reiner and Bertholdt, he’d been killed and there would be no getting him back.

                “I need to go,” Berik pleaded with the soldiers who were barring him entrance. “My friends live that way, I have to make sure they’re safe!” But the guards would not be swayed.

                Berik had often seen himself as the older brother to the two of them. Four months older than Reiner, and nearly a year older than Bertholdt, he had always seen it as his responsibility to keep them safe. Why else would he have flung himself into the mouth of an aberrant titan that was clearly planning on eating the three of them? And here he was again, prepared to dive into the mouth of a titan once more to see to it that Reiner and Bertholdt could go about things as planned.

                Now and then, Berik would put his thumb to his mouth and clamp his teeth down over the flesh, trying to shift once more. But the change would never come. He would always just be greeted with dull, throbbing pain from biting himself. He still healed fast, but never in the way he had before. He could heal up cuts and scrapes with relative ease, and on occasion he could recover from a sprain in a few hours. But growing back limbs and organs, it wouldn’t be happening for him again. As far as he could tell. That titan, whoever they were, had stripped him of his shifting powers once they spat him back up. And well. He’d become human.

                Admitting that he’d now become human was probably worse than the separation. Probably worse than being eaten at all. He wasn’t who he used to be anymore.

                Over the next few weeks, the orphanage became overcrowded. The older children, Berik among them, were kicked out to make room for children with an actual need for a home. Berik, along with some of the older children were instructed to enlist early in the military. Mankind needed more soldiers, and the sooner the better. Berik was an eleven year old human, and he was being pushed into training early along with several other rowdy youths. Naturally he resisted, knowing he had better things to do than to _benefit mankind_. He wasn’t a part of mankind (in theory) so why should he bother helping it?

                For a short period he resorted to thievery and petty crime in order to avoid military service. He would steal food frequently, squat in dilapidated structures, anything he could do to avoid being drafted due to his being a theoretical plague on society. Oh, if only they really knew.  More often than note, members of the Garrison would apprehend Berik and give him a rough kick in the ass before sending him on his way with a good scolding. He should be glad he’s alive. He should be proud to be human. He should be grateful for what he’s got.

                Yeah, sure. What he’s got. A whole lot of worry about his family and a whole lot of nowhere to return home to.

                They had planned to scoop him up and send him with the countless thousands being sent off to work in the fields. He would have too if it hadn’t been for the kindness of strangers. As the Military Police came parading through, seeking out the unemployed and the lowlifes in order to give them purpose, Berik had been selected for the honorable cause of most likely being shot and killed to make way for the betterment of humanity. But as he was being sent along, an older man, someone whom Berik would soon see as a father-like figure (if he could ever call a human a father) stepped forward.

                “That’s my nephew,” he said as he placed a heavy, calloused hand upon the youth’s shoulder. “You’re not going to take my brother’s son away from me, now will you?” The man added. “The boy’s enlisting in the military next year, now wouldn’t you hate to deprive the human race of an upstanding soldier like him?”

                As the police officer looked at Berik, the young shifter realized what this gentleman was doing for him. He was sticking his neck out for a strange child whom he’d never met before. Berik stumbled, deciding to play along, and tried his best to mimic the salute he’d often seen the soldiers performing. “It is my dream to serve and protect the king and all of mankind!” He blurted out for added effect. The officer returned the salute.

                “You’ve got your fist too high, kid.” He said as he reached out and adjusted Berik’s hand, placing his fist closer to his beating heart than his collarbone. “You’re swearing your heart to the king, not your throat. That’s like begging the king to behead you.” The soldier offered him a smile and was on his way to round up more cattle.

                As he left, Berik was remaining alone with the man who had saved his neck. The nearly-twelve-year-old boy turned to face him, taking note of the ash and soot covered face that smiled at him from behind a neatly trimmed mustache. “What was that for?” he asked, almost defensive and angry that someone had tried to help him like that.

                “I’ve seen you around, kid.” He said. The man was relatively tall and broad to say the least. As far as Berik noticed, he appeared to be a blacksmith of sorts, a heavy apron draped over his chest, hanging down to his knees.  He wore a shirt which Berik suspected had once been white but now it was thickly stained with dirt and grime. His skin very much the same way, although much like a dark olive than a stark white. This too was thickly coated in residue that suggested hard work, although the dirt didn’t match the face that smiled at him. “Stealing from vendors and shops, sleeping in the alley between the cobbler’s and the tavern. You’ve been at it for about five months or so, haven’t you?”

                Berik narrowed his eyes as he looked at the man who was smiling in such a way that was daring Berik to deny this. He’d clearly seen the sort of life Berik had been living, and refuting it would probably get Berik some unwanted attention. “What of it?” he asked dryly. “I haven’t seen you doing anything to help me.”

                “Well, I’ll be helping you now.” He said, the smile wavering into something sly. “The missus and me have a son in the military right now and we’ve been short handed since he left for training. We’ll take you in for the year, get you on your feet again. But I wasn’t lying about you enlisting. You stick with us for as long as we’re able to take you, then off you go to the Training Camp.”

                Berik seemed uninterested. But in all honesty, he was being offered compassion again. Most of what he’d witnessed of human interactions between one another were nasty. They were always judging. Always gossiping. Always acting with cruelty. Then again, Berik’s kind weren’t much different. But something about the way humans acted with one another had often been such a turn off. And for another rare instance during his human life, he had come to find that human beings were capable of goodness, even if it was laced with selfish intentions.

                “Or would you rather keep living off bread crusts you’ve been stealing from the tavern?” the man suggested as Berik turned around to look at the crowded streets. The young man turned back to him and shrugged before offering a hand to him, insisting silently on him shaking it.

                “Beats sleeping on crates.” He grumbled as the man shook his hand and turned around, beckoning Berik inside.

                “Name’s Johan Richter.” He introduced himself. “When the missus gets home you may call her Diana. She ought to be home within the hour. Now it’s your turn.”

                “Berik.” He said quietly as he searched about him taking note of the man introducing himself with his last name. “Just Berik.”

                Johan stopped as Berik said that, allowing the young man to take in the simple, but quaint wood décor of the foyer he’d walked into. It had a small dip in the floor where one would remove their shoes and then step up into a small dining and kitchen area where a table stood, decorated with a simple white cloth. It was simplistic, but for an old couple, it was probably perfect. To the left there was a heavy door, which seemed to be leading into a workshop, but it appeared to be locked for now.

                “Just Berik? No last name?” Johan looked at him curiously, bright, grey eyes scanning over the boys stern expression. Berik shook his head. He couldn’t remember if he really ever had a last night. He’d just remembered Berik was his name. “Well if it feels right, you can use Richter if it’s to your liking.”

                Berik Richter.

                He liked the sound of it.


	3. Bread and Butter

Within on a few short weeks was Berik able to look at Johan with the eyes of a son. Johan didn’t seem to care where Berik had come from, or where he was going with his life. He just wanted to see the kid do something. It was the typical ideals of a father. He just wanted to take in a boy who might need a father figure. And that was actually something Berik needed in his life. He needed a strong figure who might be able to help him get things sorted out.

                Johan wasn’t a regular blacksmith. He was a soldier as well, but he was a weapons specialist. He was one of the people in charge of building the 3D Maneuver Gear that the soldiers wore at their thighs, and replicated blades for the soldiers as well. It was thanks to him that everyone was able to fight the titans as well as they did. Berik had been in the position to sabotage mankind’s military, but he’d discovered a growing loyalty to Johan that left him conflicted most of the time. Maybe it was because Berik had become fond of working with metal and heat. He liked the work. He enjoyed being able to turn a pile of scrap metal into something someone found use from. Even if it was the military that was bent on killing his people.

                Sometimes they would be left to make tools and farm equipment but it seemed lately they were much more focused on military equipment. It didn’t surprise Berik given the struggle mankind was going through. It almost gave some sort of sick joy knowing that his friends were the cause of this. They’d led mankind into such a state of chaos. However, he was suffering for it. Reiner and Bertholdt would owe him one once they were reunited.

                Johan had retired from the Garrison several years earlier, but he was devoted to the advancement of humanity so he continued to work, although he was no longer an active soldier. He suggested to Berik on multiple occasions to enlist in the Garrison. It holds the same prestige as the Scouting Legion, but with a longer life expectancy.

                “But what I hear about you,” he said to Berik as the youth brought his hammer down on another thin sword. “Is that you’ve seen enough of the outside world for a lifetime, haven’t you?” Johan stood upright and wiped the sweat from his brow with a muggy cloth. “You ever going to tell me about that?”

                “I’d rather not.” Berik said quietly as he set the now cooling blade into a bin with the other acceptable ones. It was part of a daily routine. They had to produce anywhere between a hundred and three hundred blades a day, given how quickly the Scouting Legion went through them. They had to bring several thousand with them on expeditions because of how often they broke. The average soldier carries eight blades at any given time. The average expedition has around fifty soldiers. Those soldiers will go through roughly thirty to forty blades on a high combat mission. Doing the math, the average expedition needs between fifteen hundred and two thousand blades. Expeditions could be once or twice a month sometimes. Thankfully Johan wasn’t the only blacksmith, but he was one of ten in this district. But given how frequently expeditions were happening lately, scrap metal was running short and soon it would be scarce. Something about this brought a smile to his face.

                He often thought about how he wasn’t even doing anything to assist in mankinds downfall. They were causing it themselves. They were making themselves scared. And they were reckless.  As far as he could point out, Bertholdt and Reiner were the only titans who had ever breached the gate. And it wouldn’t be happening again any time soon.

                “You remind me a lot of my son,” Johan said to Berik one night as dinner was set out by Diana who promptly gave the man a slight whack to the back of the head.

                “Berik at least holds his keep better than Henry ever did.” She teased, placing a plate in front of Berik who had been doing a lot of growing in the past year. “Henry never enjoyed working with Johan in the shop.” She explained with the air of scolding in his voice. Diana was a charming woman, but she was much larger than Berik had expected for one of the humans. As far as he’d ever expected, they were skeletal, emaciated people struggling to survive on tiny scraps of food. It turned out most families had enough food to get by, although meat was scarce. Berik had come to realize that it was a luxury item and most families could only afford a few ounces of it every week. Diana seemed to have had her fill of meat in her lifetime, especially since she spoke of how her life was behind Wall Sina. She’d met Johan on a whim as a young girl when he was reporting to his superiors, and after a few awkward attempts at trying to court her, she finally gave in and left the inner most wall to spend her life with a scummy blacksmith.

                That was one of the unfortunate parts about being who he was behind the prison walls mankind had built. Berik didn’t know how to sympathize with them the same way that humans could with one another. He’d been learning how to be human, but it was still a challenge. Humans were often lamenting their misfortune, or complaining about things they could control but wouldn’t do anything about. Berik found it difficult to share in their devastation. If they want to live in a larger, more open world with more food and more space…they should just leave. He didn’t think it was a big deal. He disregarded their fear as trivial and nothing more. They weren’t ever in any real danger unless they thought they were. As far as he was concerned, humans were deluding themselves.

                “Why haven’t I met him yet?” Berik asked as he broke off a chunk of the break placed before him and started to dab at the sauce that was spreading around on the plate. “I’ve been here a few months now, I thought you said he’d come home sometime.” He was too preoccupied with chewing to notice the exchange of glances between Johan and Diana. They hadn’t exactly spoken yet, but Berik figured it out pretty quickly. They were in denial.

                “He ought to be back from the next expedition this month.” Diana said, choking on something in her throat as she spooned some food on to her own plate before sitting down. She’d paled, the ginger hair she kept pulled into a tight ponytail seeming to drain of color as well as she began to eat. Henry was dead and they were lying to themselves. Henry had been eaten and he wasn’t coming home. Berik was his replacement.

                But replacement or not, as the shifter-turned-human remained living with this couple, a part of him had begun to change. And he’d realized he was learning to be human. He’d started to think about the misfortunes of mankind, and how dreadful it had been to be trapped behind these walls with no freedom. He started to think that mankind deserved to take the world back. They shouldn’t have to live in fear.

                Each time he thought like that he had to bite his hand to remind himself where he was from.

                This was not his life. This was not his culture. But he could very easily live here for the rest of the life, slowly adapting to his life as the son of Johan and Diana Richter. He’d never have to worry about a home, or safety, or any of that. They had become his mother and father, and he was indebted to them. They took him in. They raised him (partly) they showed him what it meant to be human.

                He’d been with Johan and Diana for a sliver over a year. And though mankind was still living in fear, something registered in Berik’s young mind that he had to repay them. They had told him he would have to join the military. And it was time.

                At this point, Berik had grown a fair bit more, and by the time he finished his training, he’d be six foot even. With shoes on. With the amount of work he’d been doing in Johan’s shop he’d attained a rather impressive amount of muscle mass and his entire body had become broad and bulky. He looked like the perfect candidate for the military. Handsome, muscular and strong; his hair swept back and slicked with a lightly oiled comb, skin slightly dirtied as a nod to the life he’d come from, and neatly trimmed facial hair which even when shave still lingered with 5 o’clock shadow.

                He’d be the perfect soldier.

                When Berik enlisted he was berated almost immediately for his stature. He was one of the first to arrive for the 103rd Training Regime, and he was the first one to receive an ass whooping. Keith Shadis took to breaking him down right away, and Berik took the right measures as quickly as possible.

                Shadis snapped at him. “Are you a damn model or are you a soldier?!” he hollered in Berik’s face as the youth stood stalwart, his thick brows furrowed as he stared directly ahead at Shadis making eye contact with the soldier.

                “I am a blacksmith, sir!” he announced proudly as he saluted. “The son of a soldier who took me after the fall of Maria! It is my honor to serve my father and mankind!” Berik stood en forme, his expression stern but full of pride as if this had been his lifelong dream.

                What had happened to him?

                The first day, he made friends. He hadn’t had friends since Reiner and Bertholdt. They were friends whose names he wouldn’t ultimately remember. They would die in a few years anyways. One of them had a name he’d recall for a short period. His name was Spencer and he’d been sent here as an option. Military or prison. He opted for the military. He was a rebellious sort who didn’t know the first thing about titans. He thought it was possible to kill one just with a firm bash on the head. Idiot.

                Berik knew Spencer though. Spencer knew him too. The moment Berik took off his shoes at the end of the first day to reveal his missing toes, Spencer had a revelation.

                “You’re Bear Titan Berik!” he yelled loudly. “We were at the same orphanage!” The name was a surprise to him. “You told everyone you were a titan so they’d stop pickin’ on ya!”

                Berik stared down at his missing toes and then up at Spencer. He was a tiny thing. Five feet at most, a complete and utter twig, but chances were he was quick. “You the one who gave me that name?” Berik asked his tone quiet as he made note of how quiet Spencer got as he asked.

                “Well, yeah. We were scared of ya.” The other said, a nervous little laugh slipping out as he shied away from him, a skinny arm raising up as if to protect himself in the event that Berik decided to lunge.

                “Call me that here, and I will turn into a titan and eat you without hesitation.” Berik said, wondering if he was serious. He stared Spencer dead in the eye, face not shifting in the slightest as the tinier soldier continued to back away.

                Berik laughed. He scared him. He held his stomach as Spencer began to wriggle away further, panicking and shouting. He asked why Berik was laughing.

                “You thought I was serious.” He said. He laughed again.

                It felt good to laugh.

                Spencer became his friend that night, humored by the idea that Berik wasn’t that harmed by his bullying. Spencer was a reminder to Berik of where he came from. But it was a fleeting reminder and by the time he went to sleep that night, his mind had returned to his desire to care for humanity.

                What had happened to him?

                That night he dreamed of Reiner and Bertholdt. He couldn’t remember their faces as clear as he used to when he was conscious. But now that he was alone and allowed to reflect, his subconscious reminded him of what he came from.

* * *

 

                _“It’s cold here.” Bertholdt said quietly as the three young boys sat concealed by thick bushes. They could have lit a fire and been safe and warm, but the chances of it being spotted was far too likely. They’d noticed Scouting Legion soldiers out this way the day before and there was too much of a risk._

_“You can get closer you know.” Berik replied to the smaller boy as he leaned, huddled up against Reiner who was drifting in and out of consciousness. “It’s not like we can’t share body heat.”_

_Reiner lifted his arms as if reaching to hug Bertholdt who was a few feet away. He was beckoning the other boy to move towards them so they could share in combined body heat. Titans or not, they were still little boys who were getting close to freezing. Bertholdt settled down between them, his body shivering despite his high body temperature._

_“You’re allowed to warm up with us,” Reiner said, somewhat grumpy from lack of sleep as his arms wrapped around Bertholdt’s stomach. Reiner was still very short at this time, as was Bertholdt. Berik was the tallest at this point so he slipped his arms around both of them to turn the huddled mass of children into a lump of heat._

_“Are you doing better now?” Berik asked, awkwardly ruffling some of Bertholdt’s hair. “The three of us can be pretty warm.”_

_Bertholdt managed a smile as he leaned into Berik’s chest. “I don’t think it’d be this warm with only two of us.”_

* * *

 

                When Berik woke up, Spencer had curled up next to him. The smaller soldier was sound asleep, seeming to be incredibly cozy.

                Bertholdt was right. It wasn’t as warm with only two people.


	4. Canapes

Begin Part 2

                Berik was a soldier now. Or rather he was on his way to becoming one. Though he remained conflicted, he now had the spirit of a passionate human who wished for nothing more than the glorious future that mankind hoped for. However, he was to be gravely knocked down a few pegs come the initial days of training when it came to balancing with the cables used for the 3D maneuver gear that Berik had spent the last few years creating. The gear was usually created based on a person’s weight and height, so each had its own customizations making it difficult for soldiers to trade or steal someone else’s. Parts could always be exchanged but there was always the issue of making sure the gear could support someone’s weight.

                Berik was one of those individuals whose gear was not ultimately suited to him. The first day of suspension, Berik found himself upside down at least once, and suspended in midair. And on his fifth attempt the cables snapped. He was a large youth. And no one had considered that he might weigh too much for the standard cables. His clumsiness caused roars of laugher from the other soldiers but he would not be discouraged. After his failure, he made note of why he’d stumbled. He’d done the math once before, and he happened to recall that standard cables were meant to be able to keep someone around twenty pounds beneath his weight stable, although there would be immense strain. But he was far too heavy for the normal cables. Berik pleaded with Shadis and the other higher commanding officers. He asked if he might be able to modify the cables and use a set of gear that was suited towards the heavier soldiers, like himself. It was so rare now to find heavier set soldiers that it had become strange. Most youths entering the military were skinny and malnourished. And then there was Berik. Thick, heavy set and muscular. What worked for the others would not work for him.

                So he remained up for most of the night, tinkering and tweaking his own belts and cables to help better support him. Spencer who had now become his bunk mate stayed up with him, watching as Berik’s large, grimy hands worked delicately with the metal and the screws. Spencer seemed utterly enthralled with how Berik used his hands. He was so big, but so cautious with how his fingers moved. Berik had noticed how Spencer had started to stare.

                With cables and cords modified for his body, Berik passed his exam this time. There wasn’t necessarily a round of applause, more along the lines of confusion and surprise. Berik was enormous and here he was, creating new cables to balance from. That night he and Spencer bonded with the other soldiers in the barracks until everyone was exhausted and fell asleep. Somewhere in the middle of it all, Spencer’s head went between Berik’s legs. He didn’t stop him. His fingers simply knotted themselves in the dusty blonde of Spencer’s neatly trimmed hair.  He thought of someone else. Reiner.

Young teenagers should never be allowed to get excited about trivial things. It leads to experimentation and experimentation leads to thinking outside the box. Soldiers are meant to conform, never experiment.

                Berik woke the next morning with Spencer curled up on his side of the bed, his clothes partly removed. Thirteen or not, Berik wasn’t read to have sex. Spencer seemed eager to, but he made him back off. Instead they remained partially undressed in the bed; Berik was left confused. He’d spent the night before thinking about Reiner instead. He’d been finding he was thinking about his old friends more and more since enlisting.

                Before this he’d almost forgotten about them.

 

                _“When we grow up, let’s get married.” Reiner said as the three of them started to build their camp for the night. He shook out a dusty old blanket and strung it over a wire that was tied between two trees._

_“Only two people can get married, dumbass.” Berik said with a chuckle and a roll of his eyes as he placed heavy stones on the corners of the old blanket. “You can’t marry both me and Bertholdt.” This caught the youngest boy’s ear, making for a soft noise of protest._

_“It’s alright, I don’t have to marry you two.” He said as he dropped a pile of dry wood into a heap. “You two can get married instead.”_

_“Well where’s the fun in that?” Reiner huffed, ignoring his duties in setting up the tent for a moment. “If I can’t marry both of you, why can’t there be a challenge in who of the three of us gets married. If only two of us get to get married, someone has to fight me! That’s how it’s settled! Warriors fight one another for potential brides!”_

_“Well, you might have to find a forth friend, because I’m going to marry Bertholdt.” Berik chuckled as he too ignored his duties and went to his youngest friend. An arm stretched out and went over Bertholdt’s shoulder. “What do you say, Bertl? You and me getting married. I’ll even get on one knee for you!” This caused Bertholdt to slink back, and for Reiner to actually voice his frustration._

_“Now that’s not fair! I’m going to marry Bertholdt!” he whined, pointing at Berik in an accusatory fashion. “What makes you so special?”_

_Berik chuckled and pulled his arm away from Bertholdt who had now gone into hiding to the confines of his jacket as he made light whimpering noises, possibly embarrassed over the idea of his friends arguing over who would marry him. “You asked for a challenge,” Berik smirked. “Unless you want to marry me instead. Bertl won’t put up a fight, from the looks of it.”_

_“No way, Berik. I’m marrying Bertholdt. He needs me.”_

_“And he needs me too!” Berik responded hotly as he and Reiner got into one another’s faces, brows furrowed and scowling before Berik teasingly kissed Reiner, forcing him to retreat and wipe at his mouth. “Why not this, we both plead our case with Bertl as we get older and he gets to choose.”_

_“And if he chooses neither of us?” Reiner asked, still rubbing at his mouth, his cheeks aflame with heat._

_“Then we marry each other.”_

Berik excelled in areas where other students tended to do poorly. He was good at masking quick, risky decisions with agreeable rationale. He had become skilled at timing his maneuvers. He’d learned how to work in a team well while still maintaining a lone-wolf persona. What he lacked was dexterity. Although he’ been skilled with tools and hand to hand combat before, he was clumsy when it came to utilizing the maneuver gear to its full extent. He rose to the top of the class soon, but surprisingly, he wasn’t first like he’d expected.

Spencer was first in the class. But it made sense to Berik. Spencer had explained to him that he needed to get into the military police or it was prison. He needed to do well. He needed to get in the top ten and show that he was willing to contribute to society. Spencer was not only agile, but he was strong and capable of pulling tricky maneuvers. He was dexterous and entirely focused and for someone with such an attitude, he was talented and worked well with other soldiers. He was someone other soldiers should aspire to be like.

He hardly thought he was that fantastic of a soldier. But Berik admired him, even if Spencer had been an insufferable shit as a child. Berik figured it was because Spencer had size on his side since he was so small and slender. He got a little cocky sometimes, but that was his only weakness. Apparently his crush on Berik was another.  That was one of the problems Berik found he was having. Trying to brush off Spencer’s advances.

Berik had tried to flirt with people before, and apparently he was good at it. But he never meant much by it. He was inherently shy when it came to most people, and driven by his own internal goals. He cared more about protecting the others than he did about trying to get them behind the barracks to swap spit for a few minutes.

Spencer was his first. One of the other boys in their barracks had a care package sent to them, his family coming from a vineyard, and the package consisted of a bottle of wine for every boy in his cabin. Berik let himself indulge. The bottles had come in around the holidays and so he consumed as much as he could stomach, and his normally stoic demeanor slipped into something more youthful and becoming of his age. He was rowdy and playful, challenging other boys to arm wrestling matches and friendly games of sport. He was himself for a short period.

In good spirits (pun not intended) along with Spencer, Berik let loose. He responded to Spencer’s advances that night. When everyone else went to sleep, Berik rolled into Spencer’s side of the bunk and got as close as he could to the smaller man.

                “You ready?” Berik slurred as he hovered over the smaller soldier who stared up at him from upon the mattress, a smirk on his lips.

                “Thought you’d never ask.”

                Berik and Spencer stripped one another down. Hands wandered each body, and fingers prodded. Muscles stretched out. And when things felt right, Berik entered him.

                That would be the only time they slept together. Their friendship remained in tact, but whatever attraction Spencer had towards Berik dissipated once they had sex. They had actually found their friendship became stronger and more powerful after that. Berik did better overall as a soldier, and in the end, Spencer graduated as top of their class, with Berik in second place.

                Spencer wanted Berik to join him in the military police, but he had more important work to do. He had a family to protect back home. Spencer insisted he would demand to work close to their home district so they could stay close. They were close and didn’t want to lose one another. No matter how awkward some of their relationship was.

                He was Berik’s first friend as a human. Spencer was Berik’s introduction to what life was like as a teenage human. He made it possible for Berik to feel guilty about what he was inside. When he was with Spencer, he could forget about it and pretend he was human. Like everyone else. If he ever got the chance to return to his home town with his childhood friends, he’d see if he could bring Spencer with him. It was hard imagining life without him. He used to think like that about Reiner and Bertholdt…who were they again?

                Would he even go home? When he thought of home he didn’t think of the village he hailed from as a refugee. Instead, he thought of the small house behind Wall Rose with the blacksmith’s shop attached and the rather luxurious layout for a post-Maria society. He thought of Johan and Diana placing food on the table, applauding to see their soldier boy come home. Maybe they would finally tell Berik the truth about Henry, that he’d been killed all those years ago. He thought of what it might be like to find out that Diana was going to have another child, and Berik could have a little brother or sister to take care of. He hoped for a sister. He could help Johan, while a sister could help Diana. They’d be a perfect family, and his new sister would never have to find out that Berik was adopted. He was part of their family, and they were his. Not those…who were those two again?

                Berik stood with his colleagues at the ceremony trying to persuade new recruits to join the Scouting Legion. Some did. Some did not. It didn’t matter who they were. They would be dead soon anyways. What the Commander on the platform said was entirely true. Most of them wouldn’t come back. He saw a familiar face join him. That was…the man who rescued him years ago. Mike, wasn’t it? Berik waved to him. The soldier didn’t seem to recognize him at first, but as Berik left the ceremony – bent on joining the Garrison – the soldier followed him.

                “You’re still alive, I see.” He said, looming over Berik. He was still tall, but Berik was nearing his height. His hair seemed dusty, as if showing age, and he wore a scraggy looking mustache under his nose. He leaned in towards Berik and took in a deep inhale, quite literally sniffing him. He pulled away, smiling to himself contentedly.

                “Thanks to you.” Berik gave the man a salute, smiling warmly. “I was taken in by a blacksmith and his wife a few years ago who pushed me into military service, but I think my rescue may have also had a hand in that.” Mike offered Berik a chuckle that showed good intentions.

                “I was half expecting you to be joining us in the Scouting Legion, then.” Mike said, giving Berik a playfully scolding look. “Since you’re indebted to us and all.” Berik caught the teasing and laughed.

                “My father was in the Garrison, and I’d like to be stationed near home. I’ve seen enough of the world beyond the walls, I think.” Berik explained, noticing how few members of the 103rd were left with the Scouting Legion. He’d expected more people. The idea of seeing the world beyond the walls was something he’d heard people mentioning in the barracks. But why so few? In total there were twenty-one. Out of over a hundred, twenty-one members of his company were willing to fight for mankind through expansion. That was…disappointing.

                “You never did tell anyone how you got there, did you?” Mike asked him, arms folded over his chest. “You mind telling me?”

                “To be honest, sir,” Berik began. “I don’t even know how I got there. I’ve spent years trying to figure it out, but nothing.” Which wasn’t entirely a lie. He’d just spent years trying to come up with a convincing explanation, but all of them sounded too fantastical. He was wandering on top of the walls and fell. He accidentally slipped out when the Scouting Legion went on an expedition. He was smuggled. It all sounded too strange.

                “I’m sure you’ll figure it out one day.” Mike said, noticing how Berik had been eyeing the new recruits who had remained behind with the Scouting Legion. “If you ever consider a transfer to the Scouting Legion,” he added, turning his head back to see the various youths who were pledging themselves to the advancement of mankind. “I’ll inform Commander Smith of your decision.  A strong soldier like you would be welcome in the Scouting Legion anytime.” He gave Berik a sincere smile. “Welcome to the Service, Berik –“

                “Richter.” He answered, knowing that Mike didn’t know his surname. “Keep in touch this time, alright?” he asked. “I may actually consider your proposal.”

                Truthfully, he really was considering it.


	5. Wine Tasting

Berik became a soldier in the Garrison, stationed at Wall Rose, as per request to remain near his family. As he returned home, he met a younger soldier who was on temporary leave to visit his family. He was a member of the 104th, and scheduled to graduate the next year. The boy lived a few houses over from Berik, and he made a rather firm impression on his memory. His name was Jean, and he was hot-headed and stubborn and he was from the very same district as Berik was. Trost. Though he was only around briefly, Berik became fond of him, almost in the brotherly sense. But he had someone else he needed to be brotherly towards.

                While he was gone, Johan and Diana indeed had had another child. A baby girl who was now two years old named Sylvia. His fantasizing an daydreaming about being home and being a brother had come true, and he had the chance to live at home and work as a soldier and be a part of a family. That was all he ever wanted, wasn’t it? To be a brother to someone who needed him. Sylvia was an energetic little toddler who often cried when her father went into the shop for extended periods, and she was curious who the strange young man in the rose-emblemed jacket at the front door was. Berik was pleased to see that Johan and Diana were overjoyed to see him in uniform, returning home to serve their district.

                Berik was allowed to live at home rather than in soldiers quarters since he was local, and subject to protecting the walls that surrounded Trost. The boy he met from the 104th, Jean, seemed interested in his work. Although he was hell bent on joining the military police.

                “You remind me of my friend.” Berik said to him one day as he stood guard at one of the gates, rather than at the top of the wall. Jean had another day or two left before he had to return and had taken to getting to know the graduating class before him.  He was busily crunching on an apple which had been given to him by a charitable vendor who was pleased to see one of the local boys home from Training.

                “Oh yeah?” Jean asked as he sat on a crate in front of Berik. “What’s he like? Handsome and talented like me?”

                “Handsome and talented, but not like you.” Berik and Jean had come to the stage of their early friendship where they could tease and insult one another.  “He was first in our class, entered the military police a few weeks ago.”

                “Lucky bastard,” Jean grumbled as he bit around the edges of the core, tearing away at the remainder of the apple skin. “Would kill to get there one day.”

                “If you kill to get there, you’re not doing the soldier deal right.” Berik warned him with a laugh. “He wanted me to join him, but I wanted to be closer to home.”

                “I swear, if you’ve lived in Trost as long as you have, why did I never see you before? You’re not much older than me.” Jean asked, tossing the remainder of the core into a waste barrel.

                “I’m a Wall Maria refugee.” Berik said. It was a lie, but he’d started to say this instead of explaining that he was miraculously found outside the walls and delivered to an orphanage. Since his arrival was so close to the fall of Wall Maria, he’d come to call himself a refugee instead. “Arrived here when I was eleven, and was taken in by a blacksmith who pushed me into the service.”

                “Well, chances are you would’ve been forced into service or factory work either way, given how shit’s been lately. You took the one with more freedom, as far as I’m concerned.” Jean had turned to examining his nails, which much like Beriks, had become cracked and dried out due to hard work.

                “For someone who wants to join the military police, you sure like the idea of freedom.” Berik observed as he glanced down at Jean. “Why not join the Scouting Legion instead? They offer you plenty of freedom.”

                “And die a useless death?” Jean looked almost offended at Berik’s suggestion. “No thanks.”

                Berik couldn’t help but think of the twenty-one soldiers he had worked with signing up to join the Scouting Legion. He wondered if they had gone on their first mission yet, and if they had…how many of them were gone now. None of the twenty-one soldiers that joined he recognized as being from Trost, so he wouldn’t be able to tell if they were really missing. As far as he knew, they were all dead.

                “Most of the people I know seem hell bent on the Scouting Legion right now. Chances are they’re going to chicken out. Me and my buddy Marco though. We’re aiming for the top. We’re gonna get away from this hell and join the military police and live the easy life together.”

                “You two got a thing going on?” Berik asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking at the younger soldier. His response was a series of stammers and an incoherent answer that he couldn’t decipher as being a yes or a no. He figured they were probably together in the same way he and Spencer were. Given Jean’s reaction, he suspected they were something more.

                “But there’s these beastly guys,” Jean went on. “They’re determined to enter the Scouting Legion, and they’re frickin’ second and third in the class! And they’re not taking advantage of their placement and going behind Sina! They want to go beyond the walls – the crazy bastards.” He snorted, slouching forward on the crate, resting his elbows on his knees. “They’re enormous too. Tall and broad and, well. Kind of shaped like you.”

                “Sounds like my kind of wrestling partners.” Berik chuckled, flexing somewhat. “I’d take you on, but I might break you in half.” Jean waved a hand, dismissively.

                “I swear, Reiner’s the perfect soldier. Strong, Outgoing, Brotherly – the freakin’ works –“

                And the name caught Berik’s ear.

                “And he’s attractive! I’m amazed that all the girls don’t want to get with him! He’s the perfect guy, muscular, blonde, handsome! It’s crazy! And he’s so ridiculously caring and helpful to everyone that it’s hard to imagine he’s human sometimes! The guy is perfect!”

                That’s because he’s not human, Berik thought to himself, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted in shock as he listened to Jean go on his tangent. That…couldn’t be _his_ Reiner. Could it?

                “It doesn’t help that Bertholdt’s almost just as great as he is!” Jean added. “But damn is he tall, he’s probably bigger than you –“

                It was.

                “And they’re so close. I swear, it’s like they’re married or something. “ That’s because without Berik in the picture, they could be.

                “They’re…they’re in your class?” Berik asked, interrupting Jean who finally looked at him, surprised to see the pale complexion that had washed over him.

                “You alright?” Jean asked, head cocked to the side in inquiry. Berik felt his chest heaving and dropping slowly as he thought to himself. They were alive. They were alive. Reiner and Bertholdt were alive.

                “I know them.” Berik choked out after a moment of silence. “Can you…pass on a message to them for me?” He was speaking before he could think. A message? What would it say? Hello old friends I am alive and I am ready to wipe out humanity with you. That was stupid. He was identifying as a human now, and saying that would land him in hot water. What does he say? What to say when you’ve been dead for five years.

                “Small world, ain’t it?” Jean asked with a laugh, smiling and seeming to be oblivious (or deliberately ignoring) to Berik’s discomfort. “Yeah I can pass on a message to them. Just write it out for me, ‘cause I won’t remember what to say if you tell me.”

 

                I’m alive – B

                That’s what it said. That’s all it said. Berik folded up the slip of paper and placed it in an envelope and passed it on to Jean who would deliver it for him once he returned to the Training Corps. Grounds.  Word of his survival would reach Reiner and Bertholdt and either they would be all about finding him and picking up where they left off, or they would ignore it and act as if it was some sort of a sick joke and move on with their lives.

                Berik couldn’t decide which option suited him better. He didn’t know how Reiner and Bertholdt might have grown up, and they didn’t know about him either. It was going to be a risk no matter what side the coin landed on, and he was worried and anxious, unsure as to whether or not he would still have those friends to call his family again.

                For now, he had another family to go home to. He had Johan, and Diana and Sylvia to come home to and he had to adopt the role of a loyal son and brother to them. Just like every day.

                Berik began to feel as if he was living a double life. Part soldier and son, part warrior and monster. He couldn’t figure out which one felt more natural. It was getting down to him feeling much more like a soldier since, like other soldiers and other humans, he couldn’t regrow limbs like he used to. He found cuts and scrapes he could still heal from, but it wasn’t enough to make him an ideal warrior any longer.

                Being human was easier. Being human caused him less stress and anxiety. Being human allowed him to have a real home and a family. Being human…allowed him to justify his fear. Even though his fear was different from other humans, he found that he was allowing himself to be scared when he called himself a human. Although humans feared titans because they feared for their lives, Berik feared titans because he feared the heartbreak of reuniting with them.

                As a human, people were proud of him. Johan and Diana were his proud parents. And when Sylvia grew older, and her gingery blonde hair grew longer she would be proud of her big brother too. The other soldiers of the Garrison were proud of him, and he knew that Spencer was proud of him too. He was doing something eventful with his life. What were Reiner and Bertholdt doing? They sure as hell weren’t doing the plan they had sent themselves out on. They were too busy playing soldier –

                Then again. So was Berik.

                But at least he had a reason. There were people he was protecting and he was going to protect them with his life, if he had to. Every day he had to reason with himself. This was his life now. He was human. He was human. He. Was. Human.

                And just as a reminder to himself as he repeated his mantra, he would bite down hard on his thumb’s knuckle. And every time, his mantra would be true. He was human.

 

                The 104th Training Regime graduated. He got word that Jean had ranked 6th in his class and he was planning on joining the military police still. There were the final drills of the 104th, and Berik stood by with bated breath as he waited for the new class to show their stuff.  He’d been assigned to look over one squad of newbies, consisting of two or three of the new classes top-ten.

                He suspected one of them had stolen his meat rations from his breakfast, but he didn’t worry about it. The kids probably needed their protein and as far as he was concerned, it was a gift from him to them as congratulations on their graduation. Maybe that would be something he’d start to do as tradition. Every training regime to graduate, he’d let them take the meat from his rations for the day as a gift. It sounded like a nice gesture to him. Simple, but it would do.

                Consuming his rations of bread and cheese for the morning, Berik launched himself up to the top of the wall. He needed to check on these new recruits anyways. He had a job to do. And maybe, he’d run into those old friends of his. Their names weren’t on his roster, but they might be around here somewhere. There was no doubt about it. It would take at least three separate grapples of his gear’s cables before he would be at the wall’s top, he’d been working out the math lately and he was sure he’d figure out how to get up in two sooner or later. But it was on his third launch that he felt the vibrations transfer through the cables, causing them to wobble and shake as he flew up higher than the wall’s top. He was higher than he planned on and he had to target the brick again to launch himself back to the solid surface to keep him from falling through the air and down on to the houses below.  But as he shot towards the wall, the cable vibrated again, sending him crashing into the dusty brick with several graceless thunks, body rolling along on the surface.

                He groaned as he came to the realization that he’d made a crash landing. It was a few moments after the collision that he was able to hoist himself back up. He ignored his own injuries, noting that he saw little puffs of steam collecting at the cuts along his hands from the impact. Instead he had gear to inspect. A few dings in the sides but nothing that wasn’t expected. He’d be fine. He pushed up along the ground and felt a slight pinching in his foot. Had he sprained something? No, he could recover from that but…it was a relieving sort of pinch. Nothing at all painful.

                He wobbled to his feet, the new recruits had already begun to act. Some were hanging form their gear at the walls side, one in particular had launched himself upwards and was sending himself into the fray of steam.

                Steam.

                There was a thick, cloud of steam and heat. That’s why he was knocked for a loop. That’s why his cables were vibrating. That’s why he miscalculated. That’s why…

                Berik turned around to gaze over what had supposedly been the abandoned land of Wall Maria. Horizon wasn’t what he saw. Not at all. Berik stood face to face with an old friend. Exposed muscle, tissue and ligaments were throbbing and pulsing with life as small beady eyes stared straight ahead at him. A large jaw, stretching towards where pinky-white ears lay flat against the skull, its teeth entirely exposed – it gave Berik flashbacks.

                _“Okay. I’ll do it once._ ” _Bertholdt said quietly to Reiner and Berik who sat on a log in front of their rarely lit campfire. “Just once.” The small boy held out his hand and took a deep breath as he opened his mouth. His jaw clamped down on his thumb’s knuckle, blood spurting out only briefly before a thick fog wrapped around all of them._

_When it dissipated, an enormous titan, the likes of which Berik had never seen before stood before them. He was all exposed muscle and almost entirely defenseless thanks to a lack of flesh, but he was gargantuan and taller and broader than any other titan Berik had witnessed._

_His mouth formed into a simple O shape out of shock as the head of the titan gazed downwards to Berik and Reiner. The two boys were sweating and shedding layers of clothing, their fire now out and replaced with the heat of steam._

_“That’s amazing.” Reiner said softly as the steam billowed up again and Bertholdt resumed his place in front of them, smiling somewhat embarrassed. Reiner was grinning like an idiot, and proudly declared: “Me next!”_

                He swore he saw the shock in the titan’s eyes as Berik stood firmly at the top of the wall. He swore he heard the voice of the shifter inside calling his name in shock. He swore…He swore he could remember who he was. Berik’s legs locked up and he didn’t leave his position, but he raised his hand to his mouth. He was shaking. He was screaming at himself, locked in a moment of turmoil. Does he try to shift again and help out? Or does he assume his role as a soldier.

                He bit. He bit his thumb with as much strength as his jaw could muster, feeling the gushing of blood in his mouth. He wanted to change. He wanted to shift. He wanted to help. He wanted to show Bertholdt who he was. He wanted to reveal himself to his friend.

                But the shift didn’t come. And he remembered his mantra.

                He was human. He was human. He was human.

                And he damned himself for repeating his mantra so obsessively. He damned himself for accepting this life. He damned himself for betraying his friends.

                He needed to fix this.

                His name was Berik Richter. And he was not human.


	6. Appetizers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I try to avoid Author Notes usually, but hey. I gotta write one this time.  
> So I'm going to just put it out here that once Berik reunites with Reiner an Bertholdt -- this will deviate from canon a bit now and then, and the actual end of the work is going to be heavily different from the series mainly because we don't have all the answers about Reiner an Bertholdt. I have some theories that may involve me having to rewrite sections of this too, because I think within the next few chapters they'll be proven or disproven. I just want to give you guys a heads up! Also, this chapter is a bit shorter than others, and please please please forgive me if it seems rushed, or if I did a poor job on Annie. I've not written her much so this is a new character that's going to take some work on writing properly. Cheers!

                He opened his eyes and there was still a thick enough steam cloud as cover and it had concealed him from any other viewers. Before him was a hand covered in exposed muscle. It lay open and inviting on the top of the wall, and Berik’s eyes found the eyes of the titan.  It was offering a handshake, as best as it possibly could. Carefully, Berik would reach forward and touch the hand, gazing at the shifter before him. It was a brief moment of eye contact, and then he heard the voice as the steam grew thicker.

                “I swear I am going to kill you, Berik.”

                He was taller, but he was running so Berik had little chance to get a good look at him. But he knew who it was. It was Bertholdt, running across the top of the wall in full soldier uniform and maneuver gear. He snorted something about finding him later unless Berik wanted to help out. He tried to explain quickly that he couldn’t shift but before he had the opportunity, Bertholdt had launched himself off the wall under the cover of steam. He flew rather gracefully as he dropped the fifty meters downwards into the district below.

                “Lieutenant Richter!” someone called in the distance, panicked and terrified in sound. “Lieutenant Richter, report!” Berik called back, announcing he was fine, just scraped slightly and he’d be alright.

                But as he said this, he took note of the scrapes and cuts lacing his hands and wrists. They had simply vanished, his flesh as good as new. Maybe he hadn’t been as banged up as he thought he had been. Or maybe he’d just tapped into something dormant. It didn’t matter.

                That was Bertholdt. Bertholdt knew who Berik was. He addressed him by name, and he was off. But Berik knew now. He knew that his friends were alive, and they were going to continue with the plan. At least…it seemed like they were. Reiner was late. He was supposed to come barreling in through the wall by now and then Berik would shift and he’d charge through the town until they reached Wall Sina. Then they would revert and leave mankind trembling in fear for another five years before they resumed again. That was it, wasn’t it.

                Berik was left examining his hand, noticing how the teeth marks around his thumb had faded from years ago. He swore he’d bitten his hand when Bertholdt showed him, hadn’t he? So why wasn’t be bleeding? He remembered tasting it. So where had it gone? He paid no mind to it for now. There was more important stuff to figure out. His squad, that he was supposed to be overseeing had scattered. Good. They should. This is what fear does to people. It drives to run. Even if they are soldier. This was the plan. To send them running until there were none left.

                His mind was less focused on military action, and more focused in the epiphany he had. For a few minutes time, Berik’s head lapsed back into the days where he was very much not a soldier. His warrior days. His days of knighthood, as he liked to think of it. Where he had people to protect with his life. But not in the way a soldier would. A soldier defends. A knight protects and vanquishes. He was smiling in a way he hadn’t smiled since he was young.

                Berik flew off the top of the wall, mindful of the dings in the gear as he soared downwards to the district below to see if he could find any trace of Bertholdt, and by extension Reiner. He could leave soon. He could get out of these walls and go back home with them, right? What he didn’t include in the equation was the presence of titans wandering the town below. Swords were drawn from the gear at his sides, fresh blades equipped and Berik launched himself at the unsuspecting neck of one of the gargantuan beasts, dragging the length of metal deep into its flesh before it collapsed over and began to evaporate. He still had a duty, and though he was aiming to be reunited with those old friends, he would cut down whatever got in his way.

                That was his first kill in the military. Before this ay ended, he’d have eleven solo kills under his belt, and nine assists. Impressive for a newbie soldier. Especially one who was dealing with his first encounter face to face. But it wasn’t Berik’s drive as a soldier that was pushing him forward, it was his drive to keep those other two shifters safe.  That had always been his job, and that was what he was going to do. He’d sworn to protect them, and now he had the chance to. He didn’t know where Bertholdt had gone off to, but he would find him. Trost was large, but not that large. It was easy to traverse. Usually. With the large influx of titans in the district, it was challenging.

                Due to his being local, Berik was considered an Officer, even though he only had a year’s worth of experience in the military. What he lacked in experience he made up for in understanding his environment. At least that’s what some of the other Garrison soldiers told him. He was an Officer in spirit. Not in title. In all fairness, he was just a lieutenant, and he had other people he was to respond to. Flares were being shot up from all around the district to pull back as much as possible and prepare for battle. It had been a long time since Berik had seen real combat.

                As he flew through the district, searching for his old friend, he brought his hand to his mouth again, willing forth all his desires to shift for all the right reasons. He crunched his jaw down on to his flesh again, holding it there, feeling and tasting as the taste of metal filled his mouth. He felt that surge in his chest, he felt the warping of time and space around him. He felt the heat. He felt himself being wrapped in muscles and sinews. He…

                Thought he did.

                He could recall it to the detail as he was encased in his flesh cavern as he morphed into that beast. He could recall having used that form to protect his young friends many times. He could recall how he had slammed his entire weight into the ground, causing vibrations to cascade through the land as his entire body shielded the younger ones. His hands were all that were necessary but he used every inch of his titan form to protect them, the large, armored spines of his shape springing out of his body to force back any titans that got too close. He was armored, but in an offensive way, wasn’t he?

                His mantra had changed. I am not human. I am not human. I am not human.

                Berik turned his body quickly, narrowly missing the jaws of a hungry beast as it started its ascent up the side of a building. He used a nearby building to ricochet himself back towards the creature, weapons drawn and slicing along the nape of the creatures neck. He was one of them, but he controlled a titan rather than wandered about mindlessly like a drone.

                I am a warrior. I am a warrior. I am a warrior.

                He added to the mantra as he took off again. Another flare went up near him. He heard screams behind him. He had abandoned the trainees that he was semi-responsible for. But he was a warrior. Warriors advance and they only keep a small collection of allies. Those trainees were soldiers. They were not his kin. He was after his kin. He was going to join his warriors. He was going to take his position as their knight again.

                He was a knight.

                He was _their_ knight.

                That was his real duty. He was not a soldier. He was a knight. His duty was to protect them and strike down any one who aimed to harm them. He was a knight. He was sworn to keep those boys safe on their mission. If he failed, he would be shamed. It was his honor on the line. He protected them once. But his job was not done. He was still sworn to them. And if Bertholdt and Reiner were around here alone – he needed to make sure they stayed safe.

                _“What do you mean ‘knight’?_ ” _Reiner asked with a slight sneer. He was still such a small kid back then, not even five feet yet. Then again, Berik was still young at this time too, and quite small himself. Reiner had tightened the cravat like scarf around his neck, ignoring the obvious chill that was in the air, clearly shivering._

_Berik removed one of the two coats he was wearing on their journey and wrapped it around Reiner’s shoulders. It was a colder night, and one of the ones they couldn’t light a fire for. It was still so early in the journey that none of the boys had truly gotten comfortable with long, frigid nights without protection. Bertholdt opened a sleepy eye as he leaned against Reiner’s shoulder, curious about what Reiner was talking about. He too was shivering and Berik removed the other coat he wore and offered it to Bertholdt. At first the boy refused, insisting he was just fine, but a gentle nudge from Reiner convinced him to take the coat and wrap it around himself as well._

_“I was told, when I decided to join you guys,” Berik began fastening up Reiner’s new layer of coat, as he began to feel a chill himself now that he was only in his sweater and scarf. “That I should do all I could to protect and fight for you. The two of you have really important work, and I should see myself as your knight.”_

_“But, we have to protect each other.” Bertholdt yawned sleepily as Berik repeated the same fastening process for him. “That’s what we decided.”_

_“If we have to.” Berik said, standing up, removing the scarf on his neck which he wrapped around both of the younger boys’ necks. “But I need to always be vigilant. I need to protect you and if anything hurts you, I need to seek vengeance. For your sakes.”_

_“You don’t have to do that.” Reiner grunted, seeming unhappy with the idea that his friend was offering to keep them safe. Reiner had been in that stage of his life where he was convinced he could do everything on his own without the help of others. Yet, here he was with the help of two friends on this mission._

_“It’ll be my honor to keep you two safe.” Berik said as he took a few steps back. “Now cover your eyes, I don’t want you getting burnt.”_

_“What are you going to do—“ Bertholdt had begun to ask, but as Berik bit down on his hand, the answer was clear._

                Berik didn’t know where he was when he landed. But he did remember a surge of energy. He remembered grasping something by the face and squeezing tightly, spikes erupting from his hands. He remembered breaking one of those spikes off and driving it into the neck of something else. He remembered slamming into the cobblestone, spines warding off anything that got too close to him. He remembered a throbbing of heat as it collected in his throat. He remembered smiling and laughing. He remembered tearing himself free after a moment, dripping in viscera and grime as he stood back.

                Somewhere in his thoughts, he’d lost himself and shifted spontaneously and took out—how many? He couldn’t tell. Did he actually just shift for the first time in…years? He would’ve recalled. He would’ve recalled that additional bite. He would’ve recalled becoming wrapped in his vessel. He would’ve recalled slipping into that euphoric trance.

                Berik stepped away from the vanishing vessel in front of him. He had shifted. He didn’t know how or when. But something had triggered in him, much later than he anticipated, and he had—

                “No way.”

                He had been seen.

                Berik turned around, the rest of the blood and gunk vanishing from his body, and he saw a girl, not much younger than him, dressed in soldier’s attire. Her hair was blonde, pulled back tightly, and partly covering her face. She attire beneath the uniform was casual, indicating she was certainly with the newly graduated Trainees. Berik didn’t need to see the crossed swords to know. She just gave him that vibe, although it was also a stern, cold vibe as well.

                He was prepared to kill her. He stayed calm but he was prepared to draw his weapons again – he was amazed his gear was still on –and jam one of the many blades through her throat. But then her body would be found and surely her death would be questioned, wouldn’t it.

                “I suppose I should let you know I mean you know harm.” She said, brushing back the hair covering her face as if she were trying to tuck it behind her ear although it fell loose and returned to its place in her face.  The girl fussed with her hands for a moment, particularly a ring as a small blade stuck out from it. She held up the opposite hand and drew the small blade across the back of her hand. Berik stood somewhat transfixed as the split flesh quickly began to steam and seal itself shut.

                Berik began to speak trying to ask her who she was, but she’d already started to step away from him, prepared to launch herself off to join others.

                “I don’t know who you are,” she said flatly. “But my mouth’s shut. Yours should stay shut too.”

                Before Berik could get her name, she was gone.


End file.
